Sample Questions

Provided below are some questions/problems that the website has received and some sample responses that go along with them. In some cases, personal or confidential information has been edited or removed. You can receive personalized advice like this by clicking on Get Advice. The categories of problems below, or some combination of the categories, are the most common questions received at this website. However, all questions are welcome.

Pornography Addictions

Problem: i have a problem with porn i need to break it. what are some guidelines? Have you had Problems with it? how did you overcome it? did you serve a mission? i just need people to talk to... i have to break this for good! i want to serve my lord!!!!

Response: A few things for you to be thinking about: if you're spending time looking at porn, you're wasting time that could be used to do something productive. Overload yourself with interesting projects that will keep your attention constantly. Those projects can be as religious or normal as you want. Just stay busy. Understand that WANTING to look at porn is normal and natural. sexual attraction is important, so be sure to accept that in yourself. Wishing you weren't attracted to girls isn't the right approach to dealing with porn problems. Think about why you want to look at porn. Is it just to get off? Are you curious about the naked body? If you can put the reason into words, you can help distance yourself from running on instincts, and are then able to use your brain to make decisions. Putting your impulses into words helps you to sort them out. Talk to someone you feel safe with, ie, someone who won't judge you for either looking at pornn or wanting to stop. That could be your dad (or your mom) or your bishop, or just a friend. You don't need to describe what saw, but sharing how you feel about what you did will help you to make connections in your brain that will help you to avoid looking at porn, since it makes you feel bad afterwards. Also, realize that the desire to make the effort is a good thing! that counts! and trying again after to mess up also counts. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's normal to want to do it, you've just got to exercise your willpower and decide, on every single occaision, I want to feel good when I go to bed tonight, so I won't look at porn because that makes me feel guilty. Instead, I'll go whittle a horse out of a pinecone, or something. Also, make friends with girls. And just friends. Talk about tv or whatever. having female friends helps you to put porn in perspective, it helps you to realize that you're looking at real people who deserve your respect.

Response: Hey ..., for me what helps is to have set limits and replacement activities. I follow a strict set of goals, like off the computer by a certain each night. I read a chapter in the Book of Mormon and a conference talk everyday, no matter what. I watch myself to know when I'm low on energy and feeling lonely. When that happens I say to myself, "Bro, you're feeling pretty low right now. Better not go anywhere near bad stuff because you might give in. Instead you should focus on good things, like someone you can call and help out or something nice you can do for someone else." And then I go do that. But for me it's important to actually say that out loud to myself. It helps. I served a mission...and it was awesome. You will love serving a mission if you haven't gone yet. You're more capable of breaking this than you realize. Bishops can help a lot. Go to those you can trust.

Problem: Where do i start to fight addiction to pornography?

Response: start inside yourself! One thing I have realised is that nothing we try will work unless we have a desire in ourselves to stop and to let things work. you have to want to stop! have a true desire to quit. and have something or someone to quit for.
Response: Try to locate a support group in your local area (can be found at providentliving.org). Most people that I've met cannot overcome it on their own. Ask bishop for some social services counseling. It is my judgement that most people who have this problem have underlying issues which need to be addressed, and that porn is just a surface problem. If living at home and porn coming from internet, ask parents for an internet filter program (you don't need to explain that you have an addiction), just state that once in awhile you run into some areas on accident you don't like, and that you'd like for them to install a filter. If at college, keep computer out in an open area such as living room, not in your bedroom. Good luck, I feel your struggles as I too have wrestled with porn addiction.

Response: you start to fight the problem by 1)admitting you have a problem, 2)do something--anything to begin actively combating it....both steps you have began as evidenced in the fact the you are on this list/website AND I hve received your e-mail requesting help.....congratulations you can mark step one and two as started. NOW!!! you must identify your reasons and triggers, for most people--- (this is from A.A.) H.A.L.T. are the main triggers, that is anytime you are Too HUNGRY, ANGRY LONLEY or TIRED. you must identify your pattern(s) for example....I usually use porn when I feel lonely, ...when I've worked too many hours, ....every tuesday night. ....or what ever the pattern/trigger may be. Then ask yourself (you may not immediately come up with an answer for this one) WHY do I use porn at these times?? now begin working to avoid these situations .... for example take frequent shorter breaks at work, eat smaller more frequent meals.... call a friend/relative every day, (even if you are not feeling tempted) just to say hello. and PRAY !!! to Heavenly Father to help you change your attitudes toward porn, ask HIM for help to rid yourself of the anger, hate, and frustration you have built up inside of you hope this helps

Response: Hey, I hope that you're doing well and feeling better about things. I hope that you've taken some steps to start fighting this. You've already set some goals to help yourself stay clean. I would recommend going to your Bishop and/or dad and asking for a blessing. You're 18 years old and I hope that you're considering a mission in the future. Go to your Bishop now so that you can be clean and worthy to have all of those blessings that Heavenly Father has planned for you. There's a whole lot more to do after that, but this is a first and very important step. I really hope that you're doing well and I'll be praying for you tonight. Hope to hear from you soon buddy. Your friend,...

Problem: How do i overcome the temptation to look at pornography?

Response: Hey...- I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with this and while you're still 15. I'm also proud of you for taking care of it while you can and well before you go on your mission. This could lead to worse things, so let's get it taken care of now. I wish that there was something that worked for everyone with this problem. I know that for a lot of people, working with their Bishop, setting goals, and reporting on them weekly, helps a lot. For others, removing the computer from a tempting area helps. Telling their parents so that they can get the support that they need. Installing a filter. [name] the temptation is going to find you. It's just the direction that you're running when it does. Are you sitting still and waiting for it to find you? Are you actually inching yourself closer to it, but trying not to go all the way into the temptation? Or are you running with all your might the opposite direction? Temptation is much easier avoided than it is overcome. Will power is not enough to get you through most temptations in life. Avoid them. And when they do inevitably find you, run away. This will help in the short term, but in the long term, you have to ask yourself, "Where is my heart? Do I really want to give up all of these sins? What am I willing to sacrifice to come to know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ better?" Those questions might help get to the root of the problem, which is your relationship with Heavenly Father and your faith in Christ. Branden, I hope to hear from you on how you are doing. I'll be praying for you every night for a week. If I don't hear back from you by then, then I will assume that you're okay and you've handled it by going to your Bishop and then I will rest well. Otherwise I will keep praying. Thanks for writing, your friend, ...

Response: That's a good question. How do we overcome a temptation to do anything? I have certainly dealth with my fair share of temptations in my life, but the thing that I have realized is most vital, is staying close to the lord. The temptations will not leave, but God will help you meet them with added strength than before. It is difficult to explain, but somehow, the temptations don't hurt as bad, because you realize the truth that God loves you. It lets you go on day to day. The thing I have found to be incredibly successful for me, is praying always. Be sure to stay in constant contact with God. It is an amazing to have that strength in your life. So, basically, my answer to you, is to pray, and stay close to the lord. Don't expect for the temptation to become easy after just a few weeks or even a few months. It takes time, but it's worth it. God loves you. Good luck. P.S.If you are having a hard time, or just want to talk, don't hesitate to contact me. Simply type "[name]" in the messages box to send me a message.

Masturbation

Problem: My whole life I have had a terrible temptation to masturbate. I feel like I am tempted more so than other teens. I have never given in, but I fear that someday I will. Is there anyone out there that is tempted as much as I am? Please, if there is anyone who understands, I would appreciate it.

Response: You most certainly are not more tempted than anyone else. I am very impressed that you have never given it, that is amazing. Believe me, if you do, it becomes a thousand times harder to stop. This is a really huge problem for a lot of guys of any age. My advice would be to talk to your bishop and your parents if you feel comfortable with that. Tell them that you have this struggle and that you need their support. Also, pray. Develop a strong relationship with Heavenly Father. Tell him that you want to have the strength to continue to resist this temptation. I want you to know that as long as you don't give in, you have in no way sinned, no matter what it is that you feel, or whatever thoughts you have. Masturbation is a sin, but to feel that you want to is not; it is just part of being human. Keep on doing your best, keep on praying and soliciting help from your leaders and family.
Response: I think every young man has had the temptation to masturbate multiple times within their lives, and I do agree with you, some have a harder time resisting than others. If it does happen at some point in your life, promise me that you won't beat yourself up over it. Many men within the church have had the temptation, and lost to that temptation. If you can hang on awhile longer, great!!! I encourage you to do so. But if not and something happens... don't lose sleep over it 'cause it can suck you into the problem further (by contantly worrying about it, it trains your brain to keep thinking about it). It will get easier to control as you get older, getting in control of those raging hormones. Talking with others about it helps some people. Keeping busy helps others (sports, after school activites, etc). Hang in there, I have a feeling you'll win in the long run :-)

Response: Everyone has their own specific challenges. One thing I can tell you is that most men have struggled or do struggle with masturbation. Don't give into the temptation! I can tell you from presonal experience that it isn't worth it. One day, you will understand why it is so important that you don't give in. You can do it! Stay close to the church and don't allow yourself to be in situations where you are vulerable.
Response: Don't give in. I had the same problem for a long time. I was empted and never gave in. When I was 23 I finally gave in and it has been a nightmare ever since. THe masturbation turned into a pornography problem and now I have met a wonderful girl who I want to marry in the temple and this addiction is keeping me from it. Don't give in. It is easier to resist if you don't ever do it. If you think its hard now, it only gets worse once you give in. Good luck...

Same-Gender Attraction

Problem: I want so badly to talk to others (friends and family) about my struggles - mainly same-sex attraction. But I am terrified that someone will find out who will not understand what it means to struggle with this. Does anyone have any advice as to how to overcome and deal with this fear; as well as how to talk to someone about this?

Response: I understand what you mean. Its very hard to talk to others that dont understand or know where you are comming from. I was teased all through-out middle school and high school that I was gay, and I think that it made me interested in gay people more. I am a straight guy, but I have thought and wonderered what it was like and why people thought that way of me. I am always here to talk to you. Let me know if I can help in any way.

Response: Hello ... - I'm not an expert on this and I know that some people have opinions that are different than mine, but I would think that fasting and praying for soft hearts and understanding might at least give you the confidence that you are doing what's right. If you can go to your parents and say, "I'm struggling with this, but I'm doing everything I can to stay worthy to go to the temple. I'm fasting, reading my scriptures, praying, talking to my Bishop, receiving priesthood blessings," then your parents would only see that their boy is struggling. If they're anything like I imagine them to be, they love more than you could possibly understand and the thought of you withholding your pain from them when they would be so willing to comfort and hold you would be almost unbearable. But please ..., be doing everything you can to be clean. Be the person that they want you to be. It's one thing to say that you're struggling with these feelings. It's a completely different thing to say that you're caught in sin and not living your life the way you should. I think the second statement would hurt them far more than the first. You're a good person and I'll be praying for you bro.

Response: Hey man I am 21 and struggle with the same thing. I've been talking to a counselor about it for quite some time now and it has helped me alot. Maybe I can pass some of his wisdom off to you. First of all man you have to remember and believe that you are a Son of God. Don't forget that. He loves you. Always pray and read the scriptures. He knows exactly what you are going through. One thing that I have had to learn is that same-sex attraction is a part of me but it doesn't define me. I still have a choice. I am not forced to live a gay life style because of my attraction. Also if there is a pornography problem I would take care of that first. You will find that alot of your guilt and self-loathing comes from that and masturbation. So that needs to be taken care of first and there are many resources to help you with that, namely your bishop and a LDS family services counselor if there is one in your area. Now about talking to someone. Imagine if your father came to you with a problem as serious as a pornography addiction or something and he came to you, earnestly seeking your love and support. How would you react? Would you react is disgust and turn him away or would you show him your love? Your family will be your main source of strength now. The same goes for friends. And if someone finds out it will not be the end of the world. It makes a big difference coming out to someone and saying that you are trying to live a good life rather than saying you are gonna live a gay lifestyle. There alot more of us out there than you think and many who live good lives within the gospel. But you have to accept that this a part of you and that you will do your best to live your life in the gospel. Remember it is a small part of you and in no ways defines who you are. You always have a choice. I hope this helps buddy and you can talk to me whenever you need to. You can do it. We all can.

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